Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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