He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Is Oprah even human
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
