About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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