i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
