he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My life is pants optional.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
