jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
