maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
