I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
