we're blogging at a bar
return my video game
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
