I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
