Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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