fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
