Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
babies were throwing up all over the place
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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