dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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