At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
