no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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