yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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