She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
