I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
