Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
