i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
