You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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