gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
