So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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