Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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