I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
