one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
