so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize