Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
