i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
