life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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