I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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