Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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