This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
