a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
