Please, let me fuck your mom
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
