i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
two words...techno handjob
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
