pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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