there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I have post one night stand depression
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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