im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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