I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
