my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
