It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
we should paint friendship bongs
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize