Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
PANTIES FOUND
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