This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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