i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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