Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry alpinestar hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(512): View more from Texas

I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.

Fav 17 4385 1425
share tweet
(412): View more from Pennsylvania

i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal

Fav 64 1701 6246
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(401): View more from Rhode Island

Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.

Fav 27 5414 1182
share tweet
(905): View more from Ontario

She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris

Fav 43 9231 1585
share tweet
(720): View more from Colorado

I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.

(1-720): View more from Colorado

You sound pretty unsure about all of this.

Fav 5 2740 1068
share tweet
(541): View more from Oregon

bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?

Fav 27 986 3388
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(937): View more from Ohio

Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.

Fav 16 1223 1846
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(720): View more from Colorado

I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.

Fav 0 62 8
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(850): View more from Florida

Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.

Fav 0 52 13
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT