try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
