life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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