between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
