"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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