I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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