just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
