I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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