I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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