dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
