we have officially lost it.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
