Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
