omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
