CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
