I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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