I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
