..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
